November 14, 2011

I doubted that there was even a God.

Have you been there?  In those places where you wonder if God even exists?




May I tell my story.....


That was where I was at when I was sexually abused.  I doubted there was even a God, never mind one that loved me and this abuse as a young teenager underscored this fact. 

I was not in a safe place to tell anyone about the repeated abuse at the hands of a cousin.  I felt alone and very confused.  I pushed down the shame and the pain, locking it away in a little box hidden in the corner of my soul.

A few months later I found myself in a little corner church, the first time I had ever attended church.  At the end of the service they had what is called an “invitation” where people walked up to the front.  But I didn’t know what that meant.  I did not know what “being saved” was.  I didn’t even believe that God existed.

Yet I could feel an intense warmth deep within and something that tugged at the ache locked away in that secret little box.  I cannot begin to describe the feeling that came over me.  It was like a blanket of love that settled even as that little box burst, spilling out the pain and longing of my teenage soul.

I began to cry, silent tears running down my upturned face. I felt the shame leave as God’s presence moved in to fill and heal the lonely hurt places.   Looking back over the years I recognize what a sacred moment this was.  There were many hurts that God miraculously healed that day and others He has walked me through.  My  life has been forever changed by the miracle of God’s touch.
I share this with you, not for you to feel sorry for me, but to let you know how real God is even if you don’t yet believe in Him.  
Why did He permit the abuse?  Sometimes God allows certain situations and trials because they draw us to Him for help and healing and in that encounter, like mine, we find Him.  Sometimes it is because we live in a world mixed with evil. 
Another purpose is so we can share our stories with others; our “testimony” of a God who loves us personally.  We can share with others the comfort that we have received from Him.  We can offer hope where there seems to be no hope.
I once was blind, but now I see. 

Isaiah 42:16 says, “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." (NIV)


Can you share how God has turned your darkness into light?


*I have a new "blog home" at Words for living life on purpose
and would love for you to come and follow along as we journey together with Him.

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