November 24, 2010

A Hungry Heart

This is what I posted on facebook a few nights ago:
"We cannot possibly flatter the Almighty by hurrying into His presence flinging a song and a prayer at Him.God is never flattered by our sanctified exhaustion." Calvin Miller

Grains of sand fall from the hourglass of time. I want to gather the fallen grains and offer them back to Him yet they cannot be regathered. I will sit in His presence simply being with Him as I offer to Him the grains yet to fall this night.

As I sat in His presence I waited upon my soul to speak.  Yes, my soul.  The psalmist David often spoke to his soul for that is the part of us that communes with God.

I needed to give my soul a chance to speak as I knew my heart was so hungry.  These are the words that I penned as gritty grains dropped slowly from the hourglass of my time:

Father, my heart is so hungry.... is what I wrote above the empty lined page.
Soon the words came in a rush (I have not edited these, this is how I wrote them Nov 22):

Father, a heart battered, bruised, broken
Exhaustion clouds my mind
Dark thoughts press in around the edges
Troubles, worries, weariness overtake
Until I crash into their acid depths

They eat and nibble at Your assurance
Until naked erosion pricks with sharpened talons
That burst confidence until it shatters and falls
Like yesterdays confetti
Falling flakes enshroud, blurring my form.

Now, I wait.
Now, I  pray.
I have poured out my soul before Your throne. 

Then Your Spirit rises up - a thunder clap above the foaming waves -

At the sound of Your voice the darkness recedes.
Penetrating light exposes lies and deceipts
Of an enemy who seeks to destroy.

My soul trembles at the sound of Your voice.

"STAND ON YOUR FEET"  who, me?

Now I am wondering what my soul is hearing - so quickly I search and make note of a few scriptures.  I  want to make sure that IT IS His voice that I hear speaking to my soul.

Acts 26:16  NOW GET UP & stand on your feet...I have appeared to you and I have something to say to you. (paraphrased)

Exekiel 2:1  SON OF MAN - STAND UP on your feet - I will speak to you. (paraphrased)

Daniel 10:10  STAND UPRIGHT - for I have been sent to you. (paraphrased)

So putting paper, pen and bible aside - I stand.

I stand and yet I want to fall
Trembling at His feet
No outer voice did I hear
Yet His words thunder within my very being

Woe is me, I am undone
Human frailty I know so well
Yet in His strength I stand
With open mouth to "eat what He gives" (Exekiel 2:8)

A scroll of words
Honey to my lips
Things that I have seen
Things yet to be (Acts 26:16)

Words to eat
Words to speak
Words to write
Words of witness that light a path to Him

Now I fall to my knees
In wonder
And despair
Unfathomable mystery
Entrusting so much
To one such as I

The grains of sand
He holds on nail-scarred hands
The choice is mine
My life is His

Now I pray,

 "confirm Your word to me Father."

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